It pays the bills

I work for Child Protective Services.  The first few years I did investigations full time.  After my first pregnancy disaster I couldn't do it anymore.  So now I work at the Child Abuse Hotline (and help out with investigations once in a while)... same agency different function.  I work on weekends and stay home with my baby during the week, it's a pretty good gig.  I have had a lot of people say things like I don't know how you do it, it must be so hard.  And yes there were days when investigations were hard.  But I have not had a day when I felt completely emotionally spent since I have worked at the Hotline...that was until this last weekend...

My last call of the day was about a little boy named Nolan.  My heart sank and I immediately thought of my sweet Nolan at home with his daddy.  The whole time I talked to the source I tried to tell myself, they were making all this up and this little one was just fine and being loved and snuggled by his mommy.  Sadly, as I finished up the call and researched the family's history with our agency I had the sinking feeling that every thing the source had said was probably true.  When I told my supervisor that the information had been documented and ready, I could not hold back my tears.  Most of the time my response to, "what a hard job" comment is, "its a job, it pays the bills."  It's how I cope.  It's just a job.  But not last weekend.  I cried a lot on my 45 min drive home, not just for that other little Nolan but for all the kids I have to hear about being hurt or not cared for the way they should be.

I am so grateful to have a job and that we are able to live in comfort and have a little extra to have some fun.  But if I am completely honest, I hate my job.  And even more I hate that there is a need for people to do this job.  Sometimes it is hard to remember the beauty in the world when you standing in the dregs.           

Its a Girl... well according to me

Awww, once again I am experiencing the "joys" of pregnancy.  Actually I can't even, in good conscience complain, because compared to my last two pregnancies this one has been a WALK IN THE FRIGGING PARK!!!  The very small amount of morning sickness I experienced has now passed.  No random sobbing and overly emotional reactions to EVERYTHING... it's been nice.  That being said, I have a feeling this little one is going to give us a run for our money when she's on the outside.  Yes, I said SHE... not because the ultrasounds have given us a reason to think its a girl, just because I'm the mom and I just have a feeling... and spunky little girl is coming through loud and clear on the mommy intuition channel.  So I have been thinking of spunky girl names, and this is what I have so far...
Mollie
Maggy
Violet
Stormey
Macie
Rubie
Trudy

My favorite is Trudy, but Nick has yet to sign off of it.  I'll keep trying to talk him into it!  Oh, and new baby Gailfus will be on the outside in October!  Can't wait!