It pays the bills

I work for Child Protective Services.  The first few years I did investigations full time.  After my first pregnancy disaster I couldn't do it anymore.  So now I work at the Child Abuse Hotline (and help out with investigations once in a while)... same agency different function.  I work on weekends and stay home with my baby during the week, it's a pretty good gig.  I have had a lot of people say things like I don't know how you do it, it must be so hard.  And yes there were days when investigations were hard.  But I have not had a day when I felt completely emotionally spent since I have worked at the Hotline...that was until this last weekend...

My last call of the day was about a little boy named Nolan.  My heart sank and I immediately thought of my sweet Nolan at home with his daddy.  The whole time I talked to the source I tried to tell myself, they were making all this up and this little one was just fine and being loved and snuggled by his mommy.  Sadly, as I finished up the call and researched the family's history with our agency I had the sinking feeling that every thing the source had said was probably true.  When I told my supervisor that the information had been documented and ready, I could not hold back my tears.  Most of the time my response to, "what a hard job" comment is, "its a job, it pays the bills."  It's how I cope.  It's just a job.  But not last weekend.  I cried a lot on my 45 min drive home, not just for that other little Nolan but for all the kids I have to hear about being hurt or not cared for the way they should be.

I am so grateful to have a job and that we are able to live in comfort and have a little extra to have some fun.  But if I am completely honest, I hate my job.  And even more I hate that there is a need for people to do this job.  Sometimes it is hard to remember the beauty in the world when you standing in the dregs.           

Its a Girl... well according to me

Awww, once again I am experiencing the "joys" of pregnancy.  Actually I can't even, in good conscience complain, because compared to my last two pregnancies this one has been a WALK IN THE FRIGGING PARK!!!  The very small amount of morning sickness I experienced has now passed.  No random sobbing and overly emotional reactions to EVERYTHING... it's been nice.  That being said, I have a feeling this little one is going to give us a run for our money when she's on the outside.  Yes, I said SHE... not because the ultrasounds have given us a reason to think its a girl, just because I'm the mom and I just have a feeling... and spunky little girl is coming through loud and clear on the mommy intuition channel.  So I have been thinking of spunky girl names, and this is what I have so far...
Mollie
Maggy
Violet
Stormey
Macie
Rubie
Trudy

My favorite is Trudy, but Nick has yet to sign off of it.  I'll keep trying to talk him into it!  Oh, and new baby Gailfus will be on the outside in October!  Can't wait!

So my sister called me yesterday, which does not happen all that often because she is SUPER busy with school and softball and church stuff... and guess what she wants to talk about!  POOP!  lol  I put a status on Facebook yesterday about being covered by a poop volcano (I gagged).  What a mess... but that's what is called to talk about... she didn't just want to laugh at me, she wanted to laugh at me while I listen to her laughing at me.  Nice. LOL 


Today I was blog stalking during nap time and found a post about the Bachelor!  And I wanted to comment SO bad, but I don't really know the girl and though it would be super creepy for me to comment on her blog... so here is what I would have said... First of all, Dear sweet Ben, it is no wonder you are not married.  You keep saying how love and relationships are about diving into the unknown.  I am sorry but that is NOT what relationships are about... and I'm pretty sure that is EXACTLY why people get divorced.  I'm really starting to get irritated with him.  And Courtney, I hated you and then a felt a little bad for you and now I kind of respect you.  Though you are not very nice, you are however, very good at getting what you want...and there is something to be said for that.  Another thing that should be said... you have a weird lip and I hope you go home.  The rest of you... I don't remember your names.  Favorite quote from the couch last night from my husband: "I want to go to bed but I want to see who doesn't get a rose."  hahaha I LOVE HIM!!   

Finally, something is wrong with my ear.  Yesterday I had a HUGE headache and then all of the sudden I couldn't really hear out of my left ear.  As the afternoon progressed I realized that I could still the base sounds VERY well...to the point that it drowned every other sound out.  And if i put the phone to my left ear it sounds like I'm on speaker phone with a bad connection.  I told my mom about it today and she asked what I was going to do.  I told her well i was just hoping it would go away.    

And that my friends is my life... is it as obvious to everyone else, as it is to me why I don't blog that much.  I am boring.  I own it.  And for the most part I prefer it that way, but it would be nice to have something more to talk about besides poop, TV and my physical ailments. 

Want a cute little puppy for Christmas?

 

the only girl of the group!

Little girl... she is actually the biggest and she is 1 1/2 lengths of my hand

little girl puppy

little black male puppy

slightly larger brown male puppy

larger brown male puppy

Little brown male puppy

This little guy is the smallest of the bunch

We have some cute little puppies who need a home for Christmas...The momma is a pure bred dachshund and weighs 7 pounds and that daddy is a Chihuahua/Yorkie mix and he weighs just under 5 pounds.  Because we are taking care of the shots, micro chips and the spay/neuter we are asking for a $125 adoption fee.  Feel free to leave a message or email me terraday@gmail.com if you are interested.  Thanks!!    

birth process

So I'm watching the documentary The Business of Being Born.  One of the women said... childbirth can be scaring emotionally and psychically.  I could not agree more, at least in relation to my own experience.  I had a c-section because of an ultra sound that showed concerns that were not even there...just a shadow.  I feel like they are talking about me in this documentary.  I felt so disconnected from what happened the day Nolan was born I honestly feel like I'm being dishonest when I say "I gave birth" because I feel like I had nothing to do with the birth process... it was more something that happened to me.  I hate that and it has made me feel broken and less of a mother at times.... 

They are also talking about how doctor's don't trust the natural process.  I feel so torn.  I absolutely feel like natural is better, but with what happened in my first pregnancy, I feel broken and like I can't trust my body to do what other women's bodies can do.  When I think about having another baby I feel like things have to be different the second time around.  But I also feel like if I go to the hospital, I will get caught up in the cycle and made another decision out of fear.   

family pics

 So family pictures are already WAY stressful, at least for me and in efforts to save a little money we took them ourselves... so THAT added just a bit more stress.  We realize now how UNPROFESSIONAL we truly are at picture taking... here are some of the rough cuts...

almost as soon as we started taking pictures Nolan started to have a melt down, but he was happy to play with a grapefruit

Those balloons lasted like 5 seconds before we forgot that if they are not held onto they will float away

Family melt down... this is my FAVORITE picture!

this one has christmas card potential

one of the VERY few where nolan is smiling

daddy trying to comfort Nolan

nolan would NOT look at the camera

at least we are all looking in the same direction right?

yes that is me feeding nolan rocks... the only way he would let us take his binky out

So, as it turns out Nolan was so grumpy for pictures because he had a dirty diaper... I just assumed that we were taking pictures and he missed his afternoon nap.  I really wish I would have checked his pants.  The pictures might have turned out better, but oh well, you get what you pay for right?  hahaha, next time we WILL hire someone! Live and Learn.

We're not melting!!!

THANK GOD we are no longer Melting here in Mesa Arizona!  I am so so so grateful for cooler weather. It was getting to the point that I was going a bit crazy with the heat.  And now Christmas is JUST around the corner.  Last month seems like it was so so busy.  With Christmas shopping and Thanksgiving and work and babysitting it really is all I can do to keep up.  I really hope I can find time to do some Christmas baking, I didn't do much of that last year because I was pregnant, miserable and working nights.  So this year I have found some yummy treats I want to make...
like these cinnamon sugar and white chocolate pretzels ... http://www.yourcupofcake.com/2011/02/white-chocolate-cinnamon-pretzels.html               AND these pumpkin cinnamon rolls... 
http://livlifetoo.blogspot.com/2011/09/pumpkin-cinnamon-rolls.html
Thank you people who blog about food!!   So almost all of my christmas shopping is done... just a few things to finish up my homemade gifts and Nick's gift which is causing me much anxiety.  I want to get him something he wants but he wants to be surprised... its kind of a catch 22.  Hopefully I can come up with something soon!

So...I always feel guilty writing posts without pictures of videos ... so I'm going to cheat a bit ... check out Nolan's first hair cut... http://www.nickandterra.com/2011/11/nolans-first-haircut.html

 I knew I loved Nolan's messy hair, especially in the morning but I didn't think I would actually miss his long hair.  Every day he looks more like a little boy and less like the baby I brought home from the hospital almost 11 months ago.  I guess all moms go though the "where did my baby go" phases.  He is getting so independent, but I am so grateful for the times when he will still snuggle with me and let me rock him before bed.  These days he prefers to fall asleep on his own. Somewhere between 9 and 10 months he all of the sudden didn't need us to rock him to sleep and didn't HAVE to have a bottle in order to fall asleep.  Most of the time I LOVE not having to rock him to sleep for 20 min every night, but there are times when I feel a little sad that he doesn't need me like used to. 

I will say, I LOVE that he will now give hugs.  This morning when I got him out of bed we went to get his bottle and say good morning to daddy before he left for work and Nolan leaned towards Nick and rested his head on Nick's shoulder and put his arms around Nick's neck for like 30 sec and then moved back to hold onto be and get his bottle.  I also LOVE that he he plays "monster" and thinks everyone is going to "get him" and he gets so excited and runs to safety spot... the couch.  Nolan is also talking so much more now!  Nolan is more of a quiet observer and thinker... so to see him show more excitement and be loud and show his little toothy smile just MAKES MY DAY!  He still only has 4 teeth, but I think the up 3 times a night and eating non stop is a sign he may have 4 more coming in all at once.  His little gums and swollen and white so I know it will be just a few more days til he really has a mouth full.  I am completely IN LOVE with baby.  And even when he is 20 years old, he will still be my baby.  I am also so blessed to have a husband that is also such an amazing father.  Live is good!